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He always did. He told me that if I ever told anyone we would both go to prison. It went on for about three years, until shortly after my dad died. I carried self-loathing, humiliation, fear and shame. When I was 18 my mum brought me to a psychiatrist. When I told her what had happened she thought I was confused.

It was New Years EveI was 23 and a total fuck up on drugs and booze.

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For New Years my best buddy talked me into going up to a ski town in Northern Michigan named Boyne Highlands for some big shindig up there. So we drove the hours from the Detroit area and went to the lodge where we hoped to crash.

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At the time my buddy was sleeping with some skanky girl a few years younger than us. Her and her 2 friends had rented a room in the ski lodge with 3 beds. My friend ensured me we didn't need a place to stay because he was crashing in his girl's bed and I had 2 chances to find a bed to share.

I, like the young idiot I was, liked my odds. So we go a party at the ski resort that night. It's one of those gala ball affairs that has a huge cover charge which includes a shitty buffet dinner, a few drink tickets, and a champagne toast.

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I proceed to get properly shitfaced drinking wine and tequila shots. A bunch of my friends from the Detroit area had also traveled up to this place for New Year's and were at this party.

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One of them, of course, had an 8 ball of coke and I traded him some pills or some weed hard to remember for access to his blow. So on top of the shitty booze combo I have, I am snorting up a storm every 15 minutes or so and-of course-this lowers my ability to realize the booze's effect. So by midnight I am completely a stumbling, bumbling mess.

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The midnight toast comes around and I somehow get my hand on not just a glass of champagne but a whole bottle. I am going around toasting everyone-young, old, tourist, and local-and making an ass out of myself by passing my bottle around and kissing everyone-guy and girl-for a Happy New Year's.

I run into the least attractive of the girls sharing the room I am trying to insert myself into. I offer her a swig, she accepts it, I wish her a "Happy Fucking New Years! My cloudy decision making tells me this is the one I should concentrate on for a place to both get laid and, more importantly, a place to sleep.

So we spend the next hour and a half doing shots and making out and I also disappear to the bathroom for a few more pick me ups.

I balk at the idea, but she persuades me with, "I will give you 5 blowjobs if you take me to see this movie." Brokeback Mountain it is. We see the movie (delightful!) and I decide to cash in on At 8 years old, I was being asked to choose between my mother and Gary. It was not a real decision, of course. Gary knew this. If I chose Gary, he would immediately whisk me away from my mother's Jenna Lewis. Jenna Lewis was born on July 16, in Franklin, New Hampshire, USA as Jennifer Leigh Lewis. She is an actress and producer, known for Son of the Beach , Nash Bridges and Freedom . She was previously married to Travis Wolfe.

Finally, the party ends at 2 am and we stumble back to the hotel and into her room. At this point, my girl is almost as fucked up as me. But, as a pro, I am in much better shape. She is just a not so hot mess.

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By the time we get to the room, my buddy and his girlfriend are there getting into bed. The other girl is there too.

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She was solo and I quickly got the vibe she was not exactly a fun loving person or happy about both her girlfriends shacked up. The whole room is just a total drunk tank, myself included.

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I ask my new lady friend if I can pass out and she says it's fine. Of course, as I start getting ready to share her single bed with her, she starts puking in the middle of the room.

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The solo roommate gets all pissed off and turns her angst to me, saying I fed her drinks trueI was acting like an asshole all night at the party truerand I was only there because I wanted a place to pass out truest. I try to build up some good will by cleaning up with some towels and bottled water, get my lady friend on her bed-on her side with a garbage can next to her. All the while this other girl is berating me. My drunk ass buddy, by the way, is loving all this and is cracking up at the whole scene from the comfort of his bed.

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So here I am in this stuffy, pukey room with 4 other wastoids, I'm all drunk and coked up, getting yelled at by this girl who totally has me pegged, btw. I decide the best thing for me to do at this minute is to take a walk outside and get some fresh air-actually to go outside and smoke a joint I have for coming down and helping me pass out.

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I step outside the room, outside the building and find a quiet area to smoke my weed. I end up running into some guys outside and smoke my joint with them and shoot the shit.

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Probably takes me 30 minutes. I go back into the hotel.

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I knock on the door and no answer. I knock harder. And harder.

Finally it opens with the deadbolt still chained and it's the bitchy girl. She informs me "my girl" is passed out and to "leave us the fuck alone". I plead with her that I have nowhere to go, I have nowhere to sleep.

Tell me

She tells me to fuck off, it's not her problem, and slams the door shut. I knock and knock and realize she must be the only one awake and isn't opening.

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These are pre-cell phone days so I can't call anyone I know or anything. I figure, hey, I ran into friends, I can find a place to pass out. I stumble around the first floor, looking for people to beg for a room, looking for a place to quietly pass out. I finally find my way into the bathroom near the indoor pool.

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Inside the bathroom is a steam room. The steam room has a bench! I take off my shirt and roll it up as a pillow and pass out on the bench at around 4 am. Horrible night of sleep, but better than in the car in the negative temps outside.

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Around 7 am, the door to the steam room pops open and there is a Hispanic maid there to clean up the room. I am so zooted and tired and hungover I don't actually wake up to her opening the door, but what DOES wake me up is hearing the nice Hispanic lady running out of the room, screaming her Dios Mios and Praise Hey-Zeus's while running out of the room because some bloated white boy is dead in the steam room.

Rolling Stone.

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